


Reasons wretched and divine

by Port_in_a_Storm



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aaron thinking Robert is dead, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fire, Fluffy Ending, M/M, October Stunt (spoiler?), Romance, Soap-y, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 14:47:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7056856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Port_in_a_Storm/pseuds/Port_in_a_Storm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron breaks when he thinks that Robert died in the fire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reasons wretched and divine

**Author's Note:**

> Because even though I'd love to see Robert's reaction to thinking Aaron has died, this kind of wrote itself. The story is based on very much speculative spoilers regarding October's stunt in super soap week. I hope you guys enjoy!

Sirens cut through the screaming. It was too much like last year. Except last year, almost everyone that Aaron cared about was out of danger, apart from Debbie. And last year, he didn’t have as much to lose. He heard screaming, but it was only when his Mum’s arms wrapped around him that he realised it was him, and that he had been running towards the flames, screaming the name of the man who meant more to him than anything.

‘Aaron! Love, stop!’ 

‘NO! ROBERT’S IN THERE!’ His heart collapsed on itself when the building nearly gave in, and just like that, his world ended.

****

They had made love that morning, wrapped up in each other under the covers. Afterwards, Aaron laid his head on Robert’s sweaty chest and kissed it lightly. These were days that he loved being alive; days that started wrapped up in Robert’s arms, being reminded with the way that Robert looked at him that he was loved. The words were on the tip of his tongue: the ‘I love you’, the ‘I want to spend my life with you’.

Before he could say either, though, Liv knocked on the door. ‘I missed the bus!’

Aaron groaned. ‘Are you seri—okay fine, I’ll be down in a bit. Get your stuff ready.’ He pushed himself up from the bed, kissing Robert quickly one last time before going to the bathroom. By the time he was ready and dressed, and Liv had dragged him out the door, the ‘I love you’ had still gone unsaid.

Lunch time, they were supposed to meet at the pub, but a meeting with a client overran, and Aaron had to call to cancel.

‘I’m really sorry,’ he said, wincing with every word. ‘I’ll make it up to you, I promise.’

‘You’d better,’ Robert answered, but he chuckled. ‘It’s fine Aaron. Go, make money and stuff.’

Aaron smiled, even though his boyfriend couldn’t see it. Once again, the three words touched his tongue, but Adam shouted for him to come back into the room, they were ready to start again. Saying a quick ‘bye’ to Robert, Aaron hung up.

By the time they were finished up (the client signed the contract, so there was that at least), and heading back to the village, it was nearly 11pm. By the time he’d get back, all he and Robert would be good for was bed and sleep. Aaron sighed.

‘Alright, mate?’ Adam asked, looking over at his friend, concerned. 

Aaron pocketed his phone. ‘Yeah. Just… me and Rob were supposed to have a date night thing at the pub tonight.’

‘Ah. Sorry, mate. Didn’t realise.’

‘No, it’s fine. He’s fine. It’s just that we don’t seem to have much time now, y’know. What with us both having jobs keeping us out of the house.’ He looked across at Adam, who was nodding, even as he concentrated on the road. ‘Can I tell you something?’ he said nervously.

Immediately, Adam’s concerned eyes were on him. ‘Yeah, course you can. Is everythin’ okay?’

‘Yeah, yeah they’re great. I—I’m thinking about… asking Robert to marry me.’

Adam hit the brakes. ‘What? Seriously?’ He was grinning ear to ear. ‘You’re serious, right?’ Aaron nodded. ‘Mate! I’m made up for you!’ He pulled his friend into a hug, and Aaron relaxed against him. 

‘You don’t think it’s too soon?’

‘Aaron, the two of you have been through a lot, yeah? When you know, you know. Y’know?’ They chuckled. His face fell a little. ‘You—you weren’t gonna do it tonight, were you? Was that why it was, y’know, extra special and that?’

‘No, I’m gonna wait, do it right. I need to—’

He was interrupted by Adam’s phone ringing. ‘Vic?’ he answered with a frown. ‘Y’alright, babe?’ His eyes suddenly widened. ‘Oh, shit. Okay, yeah, we’re on our way back.’

‘What? What’s wrong? Is she okay?’

Adam sped down the road, not helping Aaron’s urgent questioning in the least. ‘Adam! What’s wrong with Vic?’

He spared Aaron a glance, but it was filled with sympathy. ‘There’s been a fire. In the flats.’

****

They had only moved in a few months ago. Everything was going so right. All three of them had each made their mark on the flat, making it more comfortable, more like home. He remembered the fucking stupid lamp that Robert picked out, remembered his stupid grin when he and Liv teased him mercilessly because it was so old-fashioned. He remembered going to choose their bed, then their sofa. Liv had insisted on a separate futon in her room for when Gabby stayed over. They had chosen their wardrobes as well, Aaron and Robert shared one, but Robert’s shirts took up more than half of the space, not that Aaron had a lot of clothing anyway. They had made it special. There were photos everywhere, even some of them as children: Robert on Jack’s shoulders, Liv and Aaron at a theme park when Aaron couldn’t have been older than eleven. There wasn’t a single part of that flat that wasn’t touched by at least one of them.

****

Adam pulled up outside the flats, and Aaron could only gasp, his jaw going slack. There were flames everywhere.

‘Adam! Aaron!’ Vic was there, her arms around Adam, and pulling Aaron close to her. She was in tears. ‘Oh, god! Aaron, I’m so sorry!’

Then Liv and his Mum were there. Luckily Liv had been staying with Gabby. He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms, running his hand down her blonde ponytail. He looked around, expecting to see Robert come running out of the pub as well, pulling Aaron into a kiss. ‘Where’s Robert?’

Vic sobbed. ‘Aaron. He’s… he’s in—’

She didn’t have to finish. Aaron’s eyes widened in terror, and he looked back at the burning building. ‘No,’ he whispered. ‘No. Please no.’ Then he was running, screaming Robert’s name, and being held back by his Mum, and all he could think was how he should have told Robert he loved him, how he should have left that fucking meeting early, how he would never ever survive this.

****

Sirens sounded before they saw the blaring blue lights of the fire engines. Aaron had been sick. He was kneeling, whimpers and moans tumbling from his mouth, tears falling from his eyes. 

The rest of the village had arrived, some crying and being reunited with soot-covered loved ones, some just standing and looking on in horror. Others, like Aaron, looking like their world had ended. Andy and the Whites had arrived, he and Bernice crying along with Vic and Diane. Aaron had been pushing for Robert to go and make things right with Andy for months. It had taken this to sort everything out.

As soon as the firemen turned up, Aaron was on his feet, rushing towards them, wrenching himself free of Chas and Adam’s hands. ‘My boyfriend is still in there,’ he sobbed. His teeth were chattering from the horror of it all. ‘Please… I can’t… you have to...’

One of them put his hand on Aaron’s shoulder, a gesture that Aaron had seen too many times before. _‘We’ll try, but we can’t promise.’_ His face crumbled as he once again gave in to tears. He watched through vision blurred by exhaustion and sorrow as the firemen entered the burning building. Small hands grabbed his arm, and Aaron didn’t need to look to know that Liv was at his side. ‘He’s gonna be okay, isn’t he?’ she said. Her eyes were wide.

He nodded. He couldn’t lie to her, but he knew that he’d be only causing more pain if he reassured her. His throat closed on a sob, and then he was weeping again. Liv put her arms around his waist and hung onto him tightly.

Everything, everything that they had been through and overcome washed through Aaron’s mind. The affair, how they couldn’t keep their hands off each other; falling in love; their stupid mistakes. Robert bleeding from the chest, all of that hatred. Tears in an empty house, confessions of love. Robert being a rock for him, an anchor to life when all Aaron wanted was to let the current take him away. How was he supposed to live without him?

The building creaked ominously, and a group of firemen emerged, coughing and spluttering, shaking their heads at each other.

‘What are you doing?’ That was Andy, striding towards them, his face set in a look of anger and despair. ‘My brother is still in there!’

Whatever was said was lost in another ominous creak, and the group forced Andy back, away from the blaze. Aaron went to Andy’s side. ‘They’re not giving up?’

Andy ran his hand through his hair. ‘I don’t know.’ He did a double-take of Aaron, as if only just noticing that it was him, and then Aaron was being crushed in his arms. ‘It’s gonna be okay, Aaron,’ he soothed. ‘This is Robert. He can get out of anything.’ Aaron allowed a small smile and buried his face in Andy’s shoulder. Somewhere underneath it all, there had to be the smell of Robert, hadn’t there? They were brothers, not in blood no, but there had to be _something_ of Robert he could find there. He clung tightly to Andy’s strong arms. He was nothing like Robert: Robert didn’t have to look strong and solid to be it; Robert towered over him, and when they hugged he enveloped Aaron. Aaron could so easily bury his face in Robert’s neck, kissing the soft skin behind his ear, and feel the softness of his cheek against his nose when he drew back for a kiss. Andy was nothing like Robert. He let go and folded his arms around himself.

Just in time to see another fireman, the one that he had spoken to, emerge from the fire, supporting someone against him.

Robert.

Air and colour suddenly rushed back to Aaron, and then he was stumbling towards his love, his legs barely holding him. Robert was coughing and covered in soot, it stuck to his sweat drenched skin, to his clothes and caught in his blonde hair. He was placed gingerly on the edge of an ambulance, and a paramedic gave him an oxygen mask. He nodded to both the fireman and the paramedic as they said something to him. He raised a shaky hand to the fireman, giving him a thumbs up, then patting him on the shoulder. Aaron uttered a soft, quivering ‘thank you’ when the man passed him, and received a smile and pat on the back in return. 

Then he was at Robert’s side, kneeling before him. Their eyes found each other’s and held, like a chain link clicking into place. Robert raised his hand and put it on Aaron’s jaw, cupping it softly. Aaron could feel how weak his grip was, and raised his hand to clasp it tighter, kissing the palm. ‘I was so scared,’ he whispered. Robert nodded. _‘Me too’_ the dip of his head seemed to say. ‘I thought I lost you.’ Silent tears fell from his eyes, and Robert’s thumb brushed them away. 

Robert took a deep breath, and then took the mask away. ‘Never leave you,’ he said. His voice was rough, trembling, and as soon as he had said it, he put the mask back to his  
mouth. He looked up, and his eyes shone. Vic, Andy and Diane crowded around him, and Aaron stood, but didn’t leave Robert’s side. He cupped the back of Robert’s head, letting his fingers card through the hairs at the nape of his neck.

They would have stayed there all night, Vic holding her brother to her, Andy with a hand on Robert’s shoulder, smiling tenderly and teary-eyed, and Diane looking over them all like the proud mother that she was. They would have done, but the paramedic insisted that Robert be taken to hospital. After being shot and the trouble caused to his lung, they were nowhere near safe to presume that he would be okay.

‘You go with him,’ Chas told him, when they had Robert in the back of the ambulance. ‘Me and Liv will follow behind.’

Aaron nodded and, along with Vic, jumped in the ambulance with Robert, both of them gripping his hand the entire way to Hotten General.

****

The doctor had pronounced Robert fine, but wanted to keep him overnight anyway just to monitor him. In true Robert fashion, he had complained as soon as the doctor was out of the room.

‘I’m fine,’ he said, though his voice was still rough. ‘I don’t know why they want to keep me here.’

Vic rolled her eyes, though her tone was fond and she still held Robert’s hand tightly. ‘Because they want to monitor you. You heard her say it as well as we did.’

Robert grumbled, but when he coughed and winced, and Vic gave him a look, he conceded defeat.

Aaron smiled through the exchange, but didn’t take his eyes off Robert. He had sent his Mum and Liv home when Robert had been given the all clear, but insisted that he’d stay for a while longer. Neither of them argued with him. Victoria cleared her throat and got up from the chair. ‘Right. I am gonna get some coffee. I need something to keep me awake. And, yes, Rob I am stayin’ before you ask, and no, nothing you say will change my mind.’ She leant down and kissed his cheek, which had been cleaned of soot by the nurses. His hair was still a bit black, but for the most part he looked a lot better. When she was out of the room he turned his face towards Aaron, smiling softly.

‘I’m sorry I scared you.’

It was enough to set Aaron off again, and tears welled up in his eyes. He brushed them away. He had cried way too much tonight, and he was starting to get a headache from it. He nodded. ‘I should think so too.’ He chuckled lightly. His chin wobbled, and he exhaled through his open mouth. ‘God, Robert, I thought you’d died.’ This time he didn’t stop the tears that gathered. ‘I don’t know what I would’ve done if—’

‘Hey, hey. I’m fine. I mean, that shirt will never be the same again, but I’m fine.’ He smiled when Aaron did, small and wobbly around the edges. He raised a hand to Aaron’s cheek and brushed at the tears. ‘I’d never leave you,’ he said, serious again. ‘That whole time, Aaron, while I was trapped in that room… I could’ve just lie down, let the flames take me. But all I could think about was you. How I’d never ever see you again. You kept me going, Aaron.’

Aaron inhaled sharply, remembering that day in March, what felt like a lifetime ago, when he had said the same words to his Mum about Robert; how Robert kept him going. How he could have just given in, but he didn’t. Because of him.

‘Look at us, eh?’ Robert laughed. ‘Right pair, aren’t we?’

Aaron nodded and laughed as well. ‘Yeah. Right pair.’

****

He was allowed home, as promised, the next day. Until they could sort out a place of their own again, Chas had offered them their old rooms at the pub. Gabby had even offered rooms at Home Farm (and just seeing Chrissie’s and Lawrence’s faces had they walked into the kitchen to find Aaron and Robert there at breakfast would have been so worth it), and Diane had offered them rooms at the B & B (‘Free of charge, pet’), but they all had felt settled at the pub when they were there, so took Chas up on her offer.

Liv had been upset by the loss of her books and computer, but much like her brother, she had come to realise that they were just _things_ , and that everything that really mattered was the people around her. The one thing that Aaron mourned the loss of was the photos, as they had been (most of them) originals. 

‘We’ll make new memories,’ Liv had said when Aaron told her. ‘The three of us.’ Had the worst happened, and Robert had… Aaron knew that Liv would be the best reason to carry on living. He loved her more than he thought possible. But Robert took up a separate part of Aaron; he was integral to Aaron. He didn’t want to think who he’d be without him anymore.

****

They made love in the morning. ‘I love you’s fell easily from Aaron’s lips. Afterwards, feeling the sweat drying and cooling on their bodies, Aaron leant up on his elbow and looked at Robert. His green-blue eyes took his breath away. ‘A couple of days ago, you meant more to me than I ever thought possible,’ he whispered. ‘Now… Robert, I… I’m so scared of how I feel about you.’ He saw fear spark in Robert’s eyes and hastened to kiss him in reassurance. ‘I’m scared of losing you.’

‘You’re not gonna lose me. I told you.’

Aaron shook his head. ‘You don’t know that.’ He swallowed around the lump in his throat. ‘I wanted to find the right time to ask you, and I thought I wanted it to be really special, you know? Like, I’d reserve a table at that Mexican place you like, and then maybe we could walk back to a hotel together, just the two of us. And somewhere, I’d ask you, and it’d be amazing.’ He ducked his head, away briefly from Robert’s questioning eyes. He chuckled. ‘But I’m gonna ask you now. And we’re above my Mum’s pub, in the room I’ve been in since I was 18. We’ve just had sex, and I need a fucking shower! But I’m gonna ask you, Robert, ‘cause I don’t wanna waste time making it… just right.’ He pressed another kiss to Robert’s lips. ‘Marry me?’

Robert smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> Come have a nosy on tumblr!: [Port in a Storm](http://www.portinastorm.tumblr.com)


End file.
